By HIS Stripes...

I AM HEALED!  Stage 0, 0/2 lymph nodes (cancer not found in lymph nodes), both "girls" gone (the new ones are looking better than the old ones. Woot! Woot!) , final pathology report was great, which means...Cancer is G.O.N.E!  No chemo, no radiation, no hormone therapy required.  Cancer was completely contained!  When the surgical oncologist told us both Andy and I cried.  Honestly, I wept and wept and wept while saying "Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus! THANK YOU JESUS!. Unstoppable tears of JOY came from my tired eyes and rolled down my cheeks...finally. Finally, tears of happiness! 

This is the miracle we have all prayed for. Another great example of God's promises being true.  I've told my family and friends. I've told Facebook.  I've told complete strangers at Walmart while waiting to be checked out.  I've told it to anybody that would listen!  My God answered OUR prayers. He showed great mercy upon me and delivered me from cancer.  He is true to His word and I will forever thank and praise him! So why haven't I shouted this great news to the Blogger world????  For days I've wondered the same thing. 
Many friends and family have asked me over and over why I haven't written a post lately. My responses to all the questions of why I haven't have been all over the place.  I'm still on medication.  I'm just too tired.  I'm enjoying my mom being here for 2 weeks.  I'll write when I am moved to write. These are all true excuses. Notice that I used the words "true excuses."

However, the main reason is because it's just too mentally painful. Just logging on this blog and seeing the posts and the pink background takes me back to the "dark time."  This blog was set up to be my therapy and to help other women that were in my position. Even though I had a good attitude during the time I had cancer, didn't mean that I wasn't sad or that I didn't cry.  I cried A LOT.  Some days my only goal was to get through the day without crying.  In addition to mental pain, the blog takes me back to a month of my life that I've subconsciously tried to block out. The month of January was so hard and tiring that it seems like a lifetime ago.  My memory is fading very quickly about January (that or I'm shutting it out on purpose...)

So now you know and hopefully understand the reason why I needed a blogging break. Maybe after this post it will get easier to log on.  I have SO much to share, I just need the strength to log on and type.

Praise Report:

*Cancer was contained...no treatment necessary   Glory to God in the Highest!

Prayer Requests

*Strength to share my testimony. It's so hard to go back to January, the month that I've mentally blocked out.  I don't want to block this month out of my memory.  I want the pain, the hurt, and the tears to be used for His glory and good.

You have answered my prayers. You have healed me of cancer.  You never left me or forsaken me. You are true to your promise. Thank You!  Thank You!  Thank You!  However, I'm selfish and I don't even want to think about that dark time.Forgive me sweet Savior.  It is that time that I heard you, felt you, and saw you more than ever in my life.  Please bring forth each and every memory...good, bad, and ugly.  May I never forget how you comforted me when I had cried out to you or how your spirit softly whispered verses and hymns in my mind when I was scared.  Allow me to let go of the hurt that cancer brought to me.  Allow me to look at the positive each day and not fall into the self pity trap when I am mentally down.  There are so many great things that have come of this awful cancer...Use me to be the vessel to show others of your  Word, Promises, and Light. 

Hugs to all,

Amy

D Day

Double Mastectomy Day (January 28th)....That's the name of the new Marcontell recognized holiday in our household!  It's the day that I became cancer free! It's the day that life changed....

That morning was actually a very easy morning. I had complete peace.  The day started off with the car ride to Baylor with my sister and hubs.  Let me tell you something about Liz and Andy....together they are a complete mess!  So the entire way, I got to listen to both of them try to crack the "breast" I mean best breast jokes  (see how you can easily slip that in there....ha!) So we did a lot of laughing.   I checked into radiology to get my sentinel node shot. Passing out the cookies to the women that worked the front desk was an absolute a joy.  I told them today was the day I become cancer free.  You know what they did???  They started dancing and shouting, "Woot! Woot! Cancer Free!"  So what did I do, I joined them.  2 hrs before I lose my breasts and I'm singing and dancing....I would have it no other way!!! So, I had read where women have compared the pain of this shot to childbirth because of where it has to given and the burning sensation of the actual injection.  Well, apparently they had not given birth to Grayson Marcontell.  The shot wasn't "fun", but compared to childbirth, please....

Then we were off to plastics to get "marked."  As soon as I was marked, we went straight to Baylor Uptown.  I'll refrain from the details of the panic driving that my husband was doing because of rush hour traffic. Got checked in, changed, and started passing out the cookies.  Looking back on that morning, there are several things that I learned. So here they are...David Letterman Top Ten Style.

Top 10 Things Learned From D-Day 

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10) There went the $50 pedicure I got before surgery.





9) Nurses are like teachers. Word spreads fast when there are yummy cookies to be eaten. I loved the random nurses just popping in and saying, "I heard you have cookies."  That alone made me happy! Plus, the nurses were so nice, caring, gentle, and loving.  They are overworked and underpaid.

8) The Dedman College framed picture I got to stare at while waiting to go back to surgery was not comforting at all.

7) Shear panic set in when I was cleaning my chest with the special before surgery cleaning cloth and all the blue ink was on the cloth instead of my body. (Remember, the plastic surgeon had to "mark" me before surgery.)  I thought to myself...Well, if I wind up lopsided we will know why.

6) Having great doctors (Dr. Sally Knox and Dr. Richard Ha) make you feel at ease in this tough, tough situation. I'm indebted to them for taking such great care of me!

5) The pain of a double mastectomy is excruciating. I couldn't even turn my head or breathe w/o being in pain.

4) Being sick several hours after a double mastectomy causes even more excruciating pain.

3) Drain tubes are the most uncomfortable things E.V.E.R. ~counting the days down I can get these evil doers out of me!

2) Before wheeling me back, I looked at Andy with tears in my eyes and told him, "I love you so much.  If anything happens to me please take care of my boys."  Yes, very dramatic I know.  This could have been a scene straight out of a movie.

1) I love what Dr. Knox's nurse said as she walked out of the room, "Cancer Free" "Praise the Lord!"

Praise Reports:

*I'm healing so fast.  Each day is getting better and better.
*The boys are adjusting better than what I thought.
*At least 3 more friends have gotten their mammograms.
*Call backs and a biopsy have come back "all clear" on several friend's mammograms!

Prayer Requests:

*I continue to heal.

*Cancer was completely contained in the duct. (I'm suppose to find out Tuesday.)

*I cry each and every time Andy changes my bandages.  Please pray that I can let go of this sadness I feel when I see myself.



Thank you to all that have supported me through D-Day. I honestly felt and still feel that I'm not alone in this.  To my sweet husband....How did I get so lucky?  We never thought that the vow "in sickness and in health" would really apply to us did we?  Boy, were we wrong.  I pray abundant blessings over you each and every day.  You are the hands and feet of Jesus. 

Hugs to all,

Amy

Saying Goodbye Is Just Plain Weird

Saying goodbye to something you will never see again is completely normal, unless it is your "chest" and then that's just plain weird.  There will be no long drawn out goodbyes....No waving.... No final words.  I've mourned the "loss"  and I'm done with it!  Time to stop thinking of what to mourn and start praising and rejoicing for what I'm gaining.  What am I gaining????  I'm gaining my body back!  My cancer free (Claiming in the name of Jesus) body! Time to start the process of getting this behind me and moving forward!  Time to add this to my testimony....my testimony that I will tell to lead others to Christ and to promote early detection of breast cancer! 

So I'm choosing Christ (faith) over Satan (fear)!  

Trusting in my Ultimate Healer (healer of all of me physical, emotional, and spiritual)


So ADIOS cancer!  You are not welcome here!

~Updates regarding my surgery will come from my family until I can move my fingers enough to type.  I'm also refraining from the computer until all drugs are out of my system.  Who knows what I would write while still being medicated!  ha


Btw, look what the hospital and radiology staff is going to get from me tomorrow morning!  Aren't those the cutest bikini top and breast cancer ribbon cookies E.V.E.R.   Classic Goodness Bakery is unbelievable!  Thank you Stacy!!!!   www.classicgoodnessbakery.com

Hugs to all,
Amy

Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall

Who knows if I will even need the mirror to be blocked from my eyes???  However, presently in this weak moment, I choose to protect my eyes/heart from shock and sadness.  Hopefully, strength and peace will replace the shock and sadness.....quickly.   I pray that I will be able to look at myself, with joy,  and see the battle wounds where Jesus fought and overcame.

Unexpected Blessings

Oh my stars!!!!  Our internet was "out" for nearly 4 days.  As my sister said, "I bet you were getting the shakes."...."Yes Liz, I was starting to go into technology withdrawal."  However, it was nice to put the computer down and just spend time with my boys. Quality time is what I needed with my family.  Isn't it funny how God knows exactly what you need and also knows how to make sure that it happens. Love it! Unexpected blessing!

Within the past week I've been prayed for, prayed over, and prayed about!  My school and the ESL department have prayed for me.  All this prayer in a place where prayer is discouraged and  "not allowed."  Well I beg to differ..I saw/heard adults crying out to our Savior. I saw adults holding hands and holding each other up.  I saw/heard believers and nonbelievers talking to our Savior (out loud in front of everybody...which is hard to do) thanking our Savior, placing hope/faith in our Savior, and just telling our Savior he is loved.  I felt the Lord and Holy Spirit during that prayer. For this alone, my cancer is worth it!  Thank you sweet Savior, thank you!  Unexpected Blessing! 

I went to my sister in law's homegroup and they too prayed over me.  Again, I felt the power of the Almighty.  The prayer at that meeting was so powerful that I can't even type about it without crying. (Thank you Pam. I pray I have that gift someday!)  Immediately following, Andy and I met with our awesome elders of the church and they prayed over us. (and again I felt my Savior there with me) I finally got to use my joke that I had been saving for the most awkward yet most appropriate time,  "Okay, if any of you (all men in the room) lay hands on my cancer, you going to get hit!"  Bahahahaha   Let's face it....talking so much about "the girls" is just plain awkward/weird.  I have found even though breast cancer is not funny, it's okay to have a little fun with it.    Unexpected Blessing!  

This week has been filled with many unexpected blessings. I'm thinking in my life, day after day, there have been many unexpected blessings that have gone unnoticed.  Cancer makes me see life differently. I pray I ALWAYS see life differently.  I pray I will ALWAYS notice the unexpected blessings in my life.  Plus,  I pray that you take notice of yours.  For that alone, this journey is worth it!

Praise Report: 
*Coworker found out her cancer is contained! Did you hear that?..... CONTAINED  holla!
*Coworker found out her mammogram was all good! (after a little scare)  Woot! Woot!

Prayer Requests:
 *My sweet brave friends who have scheduled their mammograms (You all are so brave and I'm so proud of you!).  Pray that they get the  "all clear" phone call. 
*My cancer is contained.  ~meaning in the duct only, hasn't spread to healthy tissue outside the duct or any lymph node(s)
*Complete healing F.O.R.E.V.E.R
*Please pray that I don't "waste" this cancer.  That God uses me and this situation to bring others to Him.

Hugs to all,
Amy

Angels, Fit Throwing, and Fit Throwing Angels

Angels and fit throwing....then add a fit throwing angel in that mix and I've probably already lost or confused many of you. (I understand....I stay confused!)   When it comes to angels, I'm no expert.  I've listened to sermons regarding angels and read scripture regarding angels but my knowledge base on angels is pretty novice.  However, you want to talk fit throwing...I'm your woman!   Many years of teaching primary grades and having my own little fit thrower launches me right up to expert status.   Now, toss in a fit throwing angel.....well, you see later what I'm talking about later.

All of us loosely throw around the word angel.  "God's angels are all around us."  "She sings like an angel."  "I pray I have nothing but little angels in my class this year." (I threw that in for all my teacher friends.  Yes, teachers not only pray for angels but BEG the good Lord above for those angels to show up on their class list;) With regards to the heavenly angels, I've heard many ask this question: Can angels take on a human like form to complete a task or send a message????  This one sentence is not intended to start a theological war nor is it for you to literally answer the question under my comment section.  (Do you like how I kindly slipped that in there?  lol)  That sentence is just to get you thinking and be a little open minded when you continue reading the rest of this paragraph. (Or maybe I added that last sentence to make you feel SUPER guilty for any thoughts going through your head right now that I've fallen off the deep end or that I'm a complete weirdo).  Indulge me for a minute and listen to my story about Al.   I had to get my car inspected  on Friday.  I chose to sit outside in the sunshine instead of sitting inside. I can't stand the smell of old coffee, smoldering cigs, and tires.  Thus the reason for sitting outside.  The wait was about an hour long.  My cell phone was dead, so I looked in my purse and decided to read the day's devotion of Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. (Those that have Jesus Calling you need to read January 11th. Once again, I was amazed how God can speak through 2 tiny paragraphs!)  While reading, the sweetest old man wearing a USMC trucker hat sits down next to me. I continue to read.  He turns to me and says, "Little lady, you're gonna find your answers in that book you know."  I said, "Oh, this isn't the Bible."  Al smiled and said, "I know. That is Jesus Calling."  Okay, right then and there he grabbed my attention.  Most late 70yr old men, do not have the book Jesus Calling.  Al, while looking at the traffic going by, says to me, "You know my wife beat breast cancer many, many, many years before she died."  Then he patted my knee and gave me such the most peaceful comforting smile imaginable and said,  "You are young and have a long life to live." I felt the tears welling up in my eyes because how did he know my personal battles, then I told him, "I just found out I had breast cancer."  He stood up pointed at me and looked me right in the eyes and said, "Our God is still in the miracle working business."  I told him, "I honestly believe that."  Then his car was ready. He took 2-3 steps and looked backed at me. We exchanged smiles and he left.   I can't explain how sweet, kind, uplifting, peaceful, comforting, and just plain happy this 3 minute exchange of dialogue and smiles felt.  I knew Al was an angel.  Now, he might not have (and might have) been a for real heaven sent angel, but he was my angel. It was what I needed for those 3 minutes of the day and I was more than thankful for him! Amazing isn't....

Shifting gears, I have to tell you about my sweet Grayson.  Grayson loves like no other child. He warms my heart with just a hug and simple smile.  He is a "momma"s boy!"  (Yes, pray that I'm not a crazy mother in law some day.  I have the potential, as my sister says.  lol )  He is my "lover not a fighter" kid. The non aggressive boy who couldn't throw a punch if he tried.  He's the one on the soccer field that is blowing me kisses, winking at me when he runs by, and grins from ear to ear when he kicks the ball and yells, "Was that good Momma?"   Of course, I tell him yes but the crazy, yelling, sports lovin' athlete in me can't wait until he gets mad and mows somebody over on the field. Fingers crossed that it might happen some day....lol  Anyhoo, we have learned to accept this about Grayson and actually it's one of my most favorite traits about him.  However, he also has the panic, over-the-top button that was pushed quite frequently as a toddler When the button was pushed, the fit throwing would begin.  He was the biggest fit thrower E.V.E.R.  (Why do you think it took 7yrs to have another baby?)  Screaming, crying, throwing, slamming, arching his back, kicking the floor....You get the picture.  I was the only one that could calm him down. (Thank you MISD for all the training in behavior management.)  We have been breathing easy for years, due to the fact Grayson has matured and all that crazy nonsense had subsided.  Well, we can now blame stupid cancer for the billionth time for messing with my family.  Grayson is starting to show some "anger" issues. Aka throwing, crying, screaming, and talking back.  He actually threw himself on the floor, kicked, screamed, and cried because he couldn't get a piece of construction paper to stand up perfectly on an art project he was working on....sigh   I hate cancer for messing with my Grayson.....double sigh.

Then there is my Gager. (Gage Jagger...but he also responds to Gagey, Bugger, and Bugger Boo...or my little bother (instead of brother) as Grayson sometimes calls him)  You see friends, he is my "easy " baby.   Darn near perfect! You place him in a crib...he falls right to sleep (since he was born)  He hardly ever cries.  He's the baby that every babysitter and parent dreams of.  His sweetness and ability to adapt is refreshing....but cancer is turning him into my little "fit throwing angel."  Even though he doesn't understand what is going on, he knows sadness. He sees me cry and others that come over and cry.  He knows that he has been with extended family and the babysitter more than usual. He now is ducking his head and high pitch screaming/crying.  This "cute" fit throwing, is no longer "cute." He's becoming "fit throwing angel." 

Having fit throwing and a fit throwing angel is enough to make me throw a fit.  I'm the one with cancer. I deserve to throw a H.U.G.E fit!!! Now my kids are falling apart....This is what cancer does...if you allow it!  It seeps into the most precious of blessings in your life...if you allow it!  It's time to take my fit throwing angels back from the grips of this cancer.  My angel Al reminded me that our God is in the miracle business and that answers are found in Jesus.  ~and I too agree~

My Face is shining upon you (Grayson and Gage), beaming out Peace that transcends understanding. ~Jesus Calling Jan. 15th

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds (Grayson and Gage) in Jesus Christ.  Philippians 4:7

Prayer Requests:
*Peace that surpasses all understanding for my sweet boys
*Cancer is contained
*Complete healing

Praise Report:
My life, on the otherhand, will have a bit of normalcy for the next 12 days. My surgery is not until the 28th, so I will carry on as normal until then.  Who knew stress at work, laundry piled up, and a messy house could be wanted and loved so much! 
I'm holding my Gager much, much more lately.  In less than 2 weeks, I won't be able to pick him up for awhile...sigh. Even though that breaks my heart, I'm rejoicing in the next 12 days of picking him up, dancing together, changing his diaper, and holding him as much as possible.

Hugs to all,
Amy

"Honey, Here's Your Cup of Cancer"

In my attempt to get out of bed this morning and face the day, I asked Andy if he wanted me to fix a pot of coffee.  You see, we love our new  "grown up phase" of drinking coffee on cold yucky winter mornings.  My Mother in Law, Susan, got us a "grown up" coffee maker and also orders us the most yummiest coffee called "Jamaican Me Crazy." (Yes, I'm spoiled and I love it!  "To be spoiled is to be loved".....another Amy Marcontell life mantra to live by...just like the dirty bathroom mantra noted in the previous post;) Back to the coffee, I love everything about the coffee maker and the coffee.  Something about drinking the coffee out of a mug and not slurping my usual Sonic large Diet Coke out of a straw makes me feel grown up and borderline fancy. Don't get me wrong I L.O.V.E my Sonic Diet Cokes. Those trips to Sonic for a coke is just "what I do."  I can thank my mom and Frederick girls Brandi, Amy, Shannon, Brooke, Dara, and Kay for that!  Don't get me started on Frederick, I can write an entirely different blog on growing up in Frederick.  I have more Frederick stories than Rose from Golden Girls has about St. Olaf. Sorry, I digress (I think I suffer from Blog ADD)  Back to the coffee.....so I made the pot of coffee looked at Andy and said, "Honey, here's your cup of cancer!"   S.E.R.I.O.U.S.L.Y!   Did I just offer my husband a cup of cancer?!?!?  Yep, I sure did.

This, my friends, is how cancer can not only invade you physically but also mentally.  Cancer is this disgusting raging rapidly growing filth in the body, that I on my own I can't do one darn thing about.  Left alone without healing scripture, prayer, dr's and treatment this filth will eventually take over my body and take me from this Earth. However, it is also this raging screaming negative thought(s) pattern that over and over SO wants to invade my mind.  This is how it works: Wake up, "I have cancer. I don't want to get out of bed and face the day."  Look at my kids, "Will I leave them motherless?" Being around people,"Who cares about your petty problems, I have cancer"  Working on homework, "Grayson's a smart boy. He can do it on his own. I have cancer"  Trying to plan a bday party for my son, "Just book it and pay. I'm sure I will be too sore and in pain to even enjoy it."  Thinking about cooking dinner, "Why?  I'm not hungry nor do I have the energy, because I have cancer.Then when I go to bed the endless crying begins.   Left alone without healing scripture, prayer, and treatment this filth can AND will eventually take over my mind and spiritually kill me!

To me, Satan is like a cancer.  If allowed he can spread to mind, heart, and soul.  Left untreated he takes over like cancer.   I physically may have cancer, but I also suffered  suffer from the Satan cancer and battle it each and every day!  Through this journey not only am I praying to be physically healed but spiritually healed from  ALL cancer. So you see, we (you and me) are not that different. We all have some sort of cancer...I'm just on the fast track path of finding out what mine is...

These are my inner most thoughts.  Agree or not.... This is my therapy, my journey. I'm nowhere near perfect, and sure have NOT been perfect in my life. (That is probably the most understated sentence of this entire blog!)  I am a sin battling woman of faith that refuses to allow Satan to take over like a cancer.  I have enough of that cancer crap (Yep, I just said crap. Sorry mom:) in me.

So mentally the war is on.  No more offering cups of cancer in my house, only cups of  Jamaican Me Crazy! 

~Cause in my house, crazy is a lot better than cancer!

Hugs to all,
Amy